Week 2: UC Back with a Vengeance
About the middle of our second week with Julie my Ulcerative Colitis began to flare. I had such a wonderful, healthy pregnancy, and my UC symptoms had subsided for nearly the whole 9 months! I had had a lot of fear when trying to get pregnant about how things would go, and if my body would be able to handle a healthy pregnancy. I wrote more about those fears here. So, when I felt so great throughout, I was definitely counting my blessings and praising God for such a miracle. But, I was also hoping that I wouldn’t get sick again after having Julie, or that at the very least I wouldn’t be sick again for a while. It was really hard to admit that I was in fact sick again, and that I needed to deal with it.
Along with being sick while being a new Mom came a lot of emotions. I started feeling inadequate as a mother because I didn’t think I could take good care of her while I was having trouble even taking care of myself. I felt inadequate as a wife, because I was relying on Brandon to fill in taking care of Julie where I was falling short, when I felt I should be able to do it all on my own. I was struggling to not believe lies about my self worth, and whether I was worthy of love from God and others. And I was frustrated with God for not healing me, after years of praying for that. I was feeling embarrassed to talk about my health problems with my husband, and others, but I was getting so sick, so fast, that I couldn’t hide it. I was humiliated to even bring up my symptoms of urgent, bloody, diarrhea. But, I needed help, so I put aside my pride and asked for prayer from friends, and support from my husband. I was grateful my doctor saw me on his lunch hour to try to help me get my UC back under control.
It was a tough week, and I’m grateful for those who prayed for my health to improve. I’m also grateful for those who prayed against the spiritual attack I was under as I fought off the lies about my self worth and my ability to be up to the task of being a wife and mother. I’m also grateful for those who prayed for my husband as he tried to help me through my emotional state. Also, I’m amazed that though I was sick and suffering, I was still able to enjoy my precious little girl, and see her as a total blessing!
Week 3: Finding Solutions
I went to see my GI doctor to find a solution for my UC. Going in I was feeling discouraged, not thinking there would be anything safe for me to do differently while continuing to breastfeed Julie. My doctor gave me a few options, and encouraged me to ask for other opinions if I wanted, about whether the various medications were safe during breastfeeding. Ultimately, I decided I had to do something to get myself better, period. Being a brand new mom is hard enough without being sick all the time. The medications started working remarkably quickly. I was feeling good again by the time Brandon had to go back to work the next week. The thought of him returning to work, and me taking care of Julie by myself for 8+ hours a day had been a major source of anxiety that week, so the fact that I was feeling up to the task in a matter of days was nothing short of a miracle! I was feeling less frustrated with the situation, and with my God and his plan. I still don’t know why I haven’t received healing, but he does go with me through it all. I was also feeling less condemned and attacked spiritually thanks to encouraging words from my husband, from friends, and from time reading my Bible and singing hymns. I was enjoying time home with Julie and counting my blessings again.
That Saturday I had my first outing just Julie and I, to go spend time with some girlfriends. It went really smoothly and I was amazed how easy she was to take out and about. But, the drive home was difficult. It was all going great until we got caught in traffic. Julie does not like stop and go traffic, and so she cried until we were through it. It took about 25 minutes to get past the 2 accidents on the freeway. So I was stressed, and Julie was screaming when we finally got home. I was very glad Brandon came out to help me unload car.
That night I look a little closer at the “bruised tailbone” that’s been bothering me for a couple days. There is a discharge coming out in the top of my butt crack. I was quite concerned, thinking maybe it has something to do with the enemas I was taking for UC. I really hadn’t thought it was any big deal until I looked at it that night, and in hindsight, I’m really glad I decided to stop ignoring my “bruised tailbone.” So we went to the hospital to begin another adventure.…