Week 1: Amazing Grace!
The first week after Julie Mae arrived I felt amazing, life was so good! I had a ton of energy, I was feeling healthy, and i was feeling so joyful! We were taking our baby all over the place to meet friends and family, and having a lot of fun! I was overwhelmed with joy realizing how blessed I was to have such a sweet husband and beautiful daughter. I was so amazed at all of God’s undeserved grace that he was pouring out on me. Julie was truly a blessing, and we were having great fun showing her off. One major thing I’d been nervous about with having a baby was that I wouldn’t be able to handle the sleep deprivation, but God provided for me in that by giving me extra energy to abound!
Also, I thought I looked fantastic, which I counted as pure grace, since I’ve had body image issues my whole life. Looking at my body after having my first baby and thinking I looked beautiful was a total gift from the Lord. I thought surely I’d just want to avoid mirrors for a while until I was ready to get back into shape, but instead, found myself feeling really pleased with how I looked. Having my husband think I looked beautiful certainly helped too 🙂
i had some initial trouble breastfeeding, and could have easily gotten discouraged when the lactation consultant told me that Julie was giving up eating because she wasn’t getting enough from me. But, God kept me feeling encouraged and positive that we would get it figured out, and that she would get all the nourishment she needed. I didn’t get down on myself about needing to supplement with formula for a little while, but instead felt optimistic about the situation.
I was amazed at my excessive energy. I was practically hyperactive when i got up to feed Julie in the middle of the night. After she ate, I bounded off to the kitchen to get myself a snack. I totally expected to feel terrible after giving birth, and dragging and have no energy, but instead I was feeling totally the opposite, for which I was very grateful. I shed a lot of tears of joy, and sang a lot of praises to my God during the first week of Julie Mae’s life.
Spiritual Lessons: God has drawn very near during this season, and has been doing a lot of work in my heart. I didn’t really expect for becoming a Mama to be such a sanctifying experience, but I want to record some of the things that God is teaching me during this time. I thought that getting married had rid me of most of my selfishness, but having Julie revealed another layer. I found myself upset at times when I had to postpone my needs because I needed to meet Julie’s first, for eating, or rocking, or just being held. My need to eat and sleep and shower had to fall by the wayside, and my selfish heart was revealed in those moments. I’m grateful that God showed me my sin and is working on changing me to be more like him.